About My Younger Self

This was me, aged 15. This photo was taken about two or three days after I had been dumped by my first long-term boyfriend – we’d been together around 8 or 9 months – by text, at around 2 o’clock in the morning. Yeah.. My two best girlfriends had slept round mine, and we had gone to a local summer festival where we tried to get as many free things as we could, ate food that came from trucks or stalls and just had some fun.

In those days I always carried a camera. More often than not it was my dad’s because he had much better ones than me, and phone cameras still took grainy, low quality photos. My phone at the time was a slid-up LG thing with buttons. Yep. I would take so many photos, most totally silly but every one a memory that I would painstakingly upload to Facebook in groups of 5, caption individually and tag, so that everyone could see. I still have every single one saved on my computer.

My two best friends were everything. Our lives revolved around sleepovers at each others houses and trips to Primark. We sat together in every class but still text each other under our desks, and we were there for each other through every breakup, fall out or family problem. We all had our own style and our own likes and dislikes, but we all respected each other. I never thought there would be a time that we wouldn’t be friends anymore. Well, we drifted apart in the end.

In those days I knew very little when it came to makeup, and I certainly didn’t wear it every day. When I did it was probably just blue eyeliner and mascara – I think by 15 I had given up on my Dream Matte Mousse in 3 shades more orange than my face actually was. My eyebrows were never filled in, nor did I ever pluck them (but that was partly because I’m quite lucky with my natural shape), but my nails were always painted. My nail varnish collection was my pride and joy and every week at school was a challenge to see how long I could make it before a teacher eventually noticed my navy blue tipped fingers and made me go to the office to take it off. Most gave up bothering.

Even back then my style was different. I wore skirts and shorts with knee high socks and high-tops – Converses were basically the only shoes I owned, and still are. I wore dungarees and band t-shirts, and actually knew who the bands were. I knew what I was wearing wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea but I almost thrived from it. I guess the fact that I didn’t try and blend in back then is what makes my style what it is today. To be honest, when I look back I still love every outfit.

Younger me went through a lot. I look back at some of it and wish some things had been different. I wish I could have told myself so many things about how life would be in 5-10 years time but I also applaud that version of myself for getting through it all. I almost feel like I don’t know that person anymore, but she was great, despite not believing it herself.

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7 thoughts on “About My Younger Self

  1. I find myself thinking, very often actually, “Why did I give myself such a hard time when I was 13/14/15/16?” If I was the weight I was then, I wouldn’t moan. If I’d taken more time to experience life rather than isolate myself, I wouldn’t moan. It’s amazing what hindsight can do. I love this post x

    • I feel this completely! I’m bigger now than I was back then but so much more confident with my body, whereas back then I had no confidence at all!

      • My confidence is still a little shaky, I remember I had a really flat stomach back then and hid it but now I’ve got a gut – why is everything cropped these days? I basically can’t buy clothes 😂

  2. This was great to read! I still remember the days of blue eyeliner and painting my nails a different colour every few days!
    I’m actually quite lucky in that my best friend through high school is still my best friend today. We’ve been through everything together from breaks ups, family drama … and now we’re onto more serious things like supporting each other through the stress of mortgages and serious adult things haha! xx

  3. This post made me think back on my times as a high school student I feel like I was similar in some ways to you. I would always carry a camera (maybe I shouldn’t have because I’d rather not remember how awkward I was ). I also was in a very serious relationship of four months 😂 and thought that my whole life was over when he broke up with me through aol instant messenger 🤦🏻‍♀️ hahaha thank God we made it through those days!

    Cam

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